Toshiro's Birthday
by Kitsune-242
Summary: Toshiro's birthday is a day all looked forward to. The day Toshiro would turn 100. Toshiro doesnt want to celebrate it. He hasnt gotten an inch taller. So when he tries to avoid it, chaos instantly erupts. One-Shot


**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Hey, I know I don't usually do this, but this is a One-shot, obviously. Nobody knows his real age, but I'm just going to say that Toshiro is 99 going on 100. Anyway, this One-shot is all about Toshiro's 100 birthday, and what happens on it. There might be a little comedy, there might not. I'm not entirely sure. There's going to be a few things that **_**aren't **_**about Toshiro's birthday, but it'll all come together…muah ha ha. But, true to its reason, this is released on Toshiro's Birthday.**

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_**:::Squad 10, Captain's Office:::**_

Toshiro sighed in exasperation as his hand darted across the pages of paperwork he was concentrating on. Rangiku had gone out drinking _again, _and had left her paperwork _again _for _him _to do. But not anymore! He would leave it for her to finish, and get in trouble over if she didn't. Toshiro leaned back in his chair, which was much to large for him, and rubbed his right hand with his left. His right hand hurt horribly for signing papers for hours on end with little to no break time. The white-haired boy's eyes glanced over at Rangiku's mountains of paperwork. He turned his chair away, and crossed his arms over his chest. No, he would not do her paperwork for her. It was her duty as the Vice-Captain of Squad 10. He was the Captain, damn it, and he had his own problems and duties to deal with. Toshiro cracked his right eye open, and looked over to his right, where he knew the paperwork lay behind him. He closed his eyes again. "Hmph. It's her paperwork. She has to learn to do it herself." Toshiro grumbled to himself. Minutes crawled by. Ever so slowly, Toshiro rose up on his seat, until he was standing on it, and looking over the back of the large chair, and at the mountains upon mountains of unsigned papers. With a twist of his feet, the chair spun around, and he hopped off of it. He jogged over to the paperwork, and took a stack of approximately two hundred papers. He walked back over to his desk unsteadily, and hefted the crisp papers onto the flat wooden surface.

Toshiro pulled his chair up to his desk, and sat down in the spinning chair. He picked up the pencil from the desk, and began to sign the paperwork in Matsumoto Rangiku's name, the signature matching hers perfectly. He had plenty of practice at forging her signature. "I do it every damn _day_." Toshiro growled to himself. He paused, mulling over the idea of writing 'FUCK THIS PAPERWORK!' on the white sheets in Rangiku's handwriting. But then the thought occurred to him that if he did that, Rangiku might get fired, and if she did, then he'd have to sign even _more _paperwork to get a new Vice-Captain. That was _not _what he wanted to deal with. So he just settled for making the pencil break over and over as he applied to much pressure when writing. After snapping his fifteenth pencil in half, he threw the chunks across the room, succeeding in making them burrow into the wall, and stay sticking out dangerously. If anyone accidentally walked into the wall, then they would have to spend a few hours of 'fun' picking pencils out of their flesh. Rangiku suddenly stuck her head into the room. A blush adorned her cheeks, and her head rolled from side to side. In her hand was a half-full bottle of sake, and by the shape of her Shihakusho top…she had about fifteen more bottles stuffed underneath her bosom. Toshiro's eye twitched. It looked like she was either fat…or had a major deformity that caused her to have two busts instead of just one. "What is it Rangiku?" He asked in exasperation.

"He he! Sorry Capeeton!" She slurred drunkenly. "Was just out havin' a 'ittle bit 'o fun!" Toshiro's nose scrunched up.

"What…is that horrible smell?" He asked. Rangiku laughed again, and Toshiro paled. "Rangiku…you didn't…" He said.

"Mr. Foxy sure was fun!" She said. Toshiro stood up, and pointed at the door.

"Get. Out." He ordered. Rangiku stumbled away as Toshiro sat back down. "…my mind has now lost all innocence…" Toshiro said, rubbing his temples agitatedly. There was a knock on his door. "Rangiku, if that's you to come tell me about it, turn your ass around and _leave!_" The door opened, and in walked Ukitake. "What're you doing here, Ukitake?" Toshiro asked. The white-haired man pulled out baskets of sweets from behind him, causing Toshiro's skin to turn the color of his hair.

"Just bringing you some sweets to say…" He trailed off dramatically.

"Don't say it." Toshiro ordered. Ukitake began to take a deep breath to shout his message. "Don't say it." Toshiro said. Ukitake continued to inhale. "PLEASE don't say it!" Toshiro begged.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HITSUGAYA!" Ukitake yelled, and ran out of the room like a schoolgirl. The three words that Toshiro dreaded rang through Seireitei. All of the heads of the Soul Reapers snapped up in either alarm or surprise. Toshiro jumped up from his seat.

"Gotta hide gotta hide gotta hide!" He said, racing around the room, trying to find somewhere. The door slammed open, and Toshiro began to sweat. _…shit! To late! _He thought. Suddenly, he was tackled from behind in a bear hug, and a fan girl scream rang in his ears.

"Happy 100th birthday, Shiro-chan!" Momo yelled from Toshiro's back.

"That's Captain Hitsugaya! And get off me!" Toshiro said.

"Not until you get your birthday hug and kiss!" She said. Toshiro struggled to get away, not wanting to kiss the 'bed-wetter'. But alas, he was no match for MOMOZILLA(rawr.)! The young girl kissed Toshiro. Outside of his mind, he just sat still afterwards. But inside his mind, he was screaming bloody murder. Momo helped the blue-eyed Captain to his feet. "Look at you! It's your 100th birthday and you haven't gotten any taller!" Momo said. Toshiro's eye twitched.

"…shut up Momo. Now help me find a place to hide." Toshiro said, moving stacks of books and papers away from various pieces of furniture, looking for a place to hide.

"Why?" Momo asked curiously.

"Because if you're already here, the rest of Soul Society will be here soon. You know how big of a celebration they throw when a Captain enters his first century of age. I do _not _want to be found." Toshiro replied. Momo smiled evilly. Not that Toshiro, who's back was turned, saw.

"Then I know just the place!" She said innocently. She grabbed Toshiro's hand, and dragged him out of his office, and down the hall. "I have a place that you'll blend in perfect with! It's in the Living World!" Momo said.

"You sure that'll work?" Toshiro asked.

"Yes of course I'm sure! Positive! They wont suspect a thing!" Momo replied, and dragged the shorter boy through the towering Senkaimon.

_**:::World of the Living:::**_

A Senkaimon door opened slowly, and two figures clad in black with Japanese Katana either on their side or back raced out. "We just need to find two Gigai!" Momo said.

"Gigai, you say?" Asked a voice. The two turned to see none other then Urahara.

"Hello sir! Do you have two Gigai we could borrow?" Momo asked. Urahara smiled, and waved his fan femininely in front of his face.

"Why, of course!" He said, and pulled to Gigai out from behind him. Toshiro sweat dropped.

"Well…that was convenient…or he knew we were coming…" Toshiro muttered t himself, before taking his Gigai and flashing into it. Momo did as well, and grabbed Toshiro's hand once again.

"Come on Shiro-chan!" Momo said enthusiastically, dragging him away.

"…don't call me that…" Toshiro sighed, knowing she wasn't listening. Momo dragged him for what seemed like hours, until finally, she dragged him into what appeared to be a school building.

"Shiro-chan, you wait here! I'll be right back!" Momo said, and walked into the back office. Toshiro sat down in a red seat, and waited. He searched the lobby and office for anything that told him where he was, but there was none. Toshiro sighed in exasperation, and leaned his head back.

"Hey! It's Toshiro!" Said a voice. Toshiro opened his eyes, and looked to who had spoken. It was Kurosaki Karin. Toshiro blinked.

"What're you doing here?" Toshiro asked. Karin smiled, and flashed the piece sign playfully.

"I go here!" She replied. "This is my school!" Toshiro blinked rapidly. He looked down at the ground, and bit his right thump in thought.

"If this is your school…then why did Momo bring me here?" Toshiro muttered to himself. Karin cocked her head.

"Momo?" She asked confusedly.

"She's a Vice-Captain in Soul Society." Toshiro deadpanned. Even though she was confused, she nodded in understanding.

"So then…why're you here? Get sent on another mission?" She asked. Toshiro shook his head, and sighed.

"No…it's my birthday." He said. Karin raised an eyebrow.

"So?" She asked.

"When it's a Captain's birthday, everyone makes a big deal about it. They're overly dramatic. Momo is helping me escape. We'll be going back tomorrow." Toshiro replied. Suddenly, Momo ran back out of the office, and grabbed Toshiro's hand again.

"Come on, Shiro-chan! Follow me!" She said, dragging Toshiro down the hall.

"Stop calling me that! And I'm not a girl damn it!" Toshiro yelled. Momo just giggled, and opened a heavy wooden door. She pushed Toshiro in.

"Knock 'em dead, Shiro-chan!" She said, and closed the door. Toshiro looked forward…at the class of children staring at him. The teacher stood up smiling.

"You must be our new student! Class, welcome Hitsugaya Toshiro to Fourth Grade!" The teacher said. The class just muttered a plain greeting. Toshiro's eye twitched as his fists clenched.

"Hinamoriiiiiii!" Toshiro yelled, and raced from the room, knocking down students, and leaving a skid mark on the principal, as he went. Momo was just disappearing into a Senkaimon as he left the building. She waved.

"I'll make sure to tell the Captains were to come and pick you up from!" She said evilly as the doors closed. Toshiro palmed his face, grumbling curses to himself.

"…damn it…she set me up…how couldn't I see this coming? I'm a Captain! I should have seen this coming!" Toshiro hissed to himself. He looked at a watch on his wrist. "Okay… I estimate that I have about twenty minutes until the Captains come to take me to some party…that's enough time to run…I think." Toshiro said, and wilted. He straightened his posture, and looked back and forth. "Okay…place to hide, place to hide." He sang to himself as he ran through the streets. "I cant find a damn hiding place!" He hissed to himself.

"You there! Halt!" Shouted a voice. Toshiro skidded to a halt, almost flipping end-over-end as he did so. Toshiro turned slowly, cursing his luck as a Police Man ran up to him. "Why aren't you in school, young man?" He ordered. Toshiro's eye twitched in annoyance.

_I'm 100 years old…and he calls me young…damn it. I wish I could just yell at him. _Toshiro thought. "I don't go to any school here." Toshiro snapped. Before Toshiro could say 'Hyourinmaru', handcuffs were snapped around his wrists, and he was being escorted into a black building.

"Then you'll just have to play Old Maid with the mice in this here cell into someone can come and pick you up." The Police Man said, shoving the young Captain into a prison cell, and locking it behind him. Toshiro sat on the metal bed, clenching and unclenching his fists.

"Damn it Momo. I'm going to kill you once I get out of here." Toshiro growled.

"If you kill your girlfriend you'll just find yourself back in that cell there." The Police Man said from behind his newspaper. Toshiro threw himself against the bars angrily.

"She's not my girlfriend!" He yelled. The Police Man laughed.

"Yeah. Sure." He said. Toshiro clenched his hands into fists around the bars.

"Listen, Police Man. I'm a Soul Reaper Captain from Soul Society, a place where Souls go to live peacefully." Toshiro said. The Police Man scoffed as he turned the page in his newspaper.

"Sure. And I'm the tooth fairy." The man scoffed. Hyourinmaru began to yell at Toshiro through their mental link as Toshiro sat back down.

_Well, it was worth a shot. A stupid shot, but a shot. _Toshiro grumbled. He sighed. _Knowing my luck, someone will be here to pick me up and bring me back to Soul Society. _

"I'm here to pick up Hitsugaya Toshiro." Said a voice. The white-haired boy looked up.

_Great. I was right. Damn it, Momo. Why'd you tell Byakuya that I was here? _

_**:::Soul Society:::**_

"That was a stupid move you pulled." Byakuya said as he led Toshiro towards the clump of trees in the middle of Seireitei. Toshiro looked over at Byakuya slyly.

"I seem to remember you pulling the same move last year." Toshiro said.

"Yes, but unlike you, I succeeded." Byakuya replied. Toshiro began to mumble to himself, but didn't say another word about it. "Come. They have a party set up." Toshiro paled.

"No! I don't want to go to a party!" Toshiro protested. Byakuya grabbed the back of Toshiro's haori, and dragged the trying-to-flee boy down the road.

"Tough shit." Byakuya replied.

"Why me? Why'd it have to be _my _birthday? Why cant it be on Christmas or something so others would forget?" Toshiro groaned.

"Because then it'd be a even bigger deal. Come on." Byakuya deadpanned, and dragged the white-haired aptain into the wooded area, and into a large clearing with tables and birthday decorations all around. Toshiro's eye twitched.

"You have _got _to be kidding me." He growled.

"Sadly, we're not." Byakuya said. "And don't think of running. Sotaicho-sama put up a barrier so you couldn't leave."

"…damn it." Toshiro muttered. He glanced over at a barrel, and sweat dropped. "…Rakuen…Torishi…I know you're in there…" He said. The top of the large blue barrel popped off, and none other then the captain of the Elite Squad, Rakuen, rolled out. She stood up, grinning goofily.

"Damn it. How'd you guess?" She asked.

"Well, for starters, the barrel was rocking like crazy…and secondly…making one half of the barrel glass so you could see out of the barrel…works the other way as well." Toshiro replied. Rakuen looked over her shoulder, and stared at the barrel that was made half of blue plastic, and half of glass.

"Yeah…not my best idea…Torishi! Get out here!" Rakuen yelled. A girl who looked around twelve, the same age as Rakuen, popped out of the barrel, eyes blazing.

"DAMN IT RAKUEN-TAICHO!" She yelled.

"What?" Rakuen asked innocently.

"YOU SAT ON ME!" Torishi roared. Rakuen just shrugged.

"Well, I told you to either sit next to me, and you told me not to, so I sat on you to keep you quiet." Rakuen said.

"YOU'RE ARE _INSANE!_" Torishi screamed. Rakuen looked over her shadow with a deadpan expression.

"Um…yeah…Toshiro-taicho…" Toshiro's eye twitched at his 'nickname'. "You go on ahead. I'm going to be back here listening to my Vice-Captain yell at me for a while…" Rakuen sighed. Toshiro didn't need to be told twice. He quickly walked away, leaving Rakuen to get yelled at by her Vice-Captain. As soon as Toshiro walked into the clearing, he was bombarded by congratulations, and a single slice of cake smashed into his face. Rangiku laughed gleefully at her little 'prank', and ran away.

"RAAAAANGIIIKUUUUU!" Toshiro roared angrily. But the woman just kept running, ignoring her captain. Momo ran up, a napkin in her hand.

"Here. You need this, Shiro-chan." She said. Toshiro glared, but took the napkin anyway.

"I have half a mind to yell at you as well, Momo. Now I have one of those Rap Sheets that Ichigo no doubt has." Toshiro muttered.

"HEY!" Ichigo yelled from across the field. He and Rukia had attended the party as well. "At least I wasn't arrested for WWSWAP!" Toshiro's eye twitched in annoyance.

"What the hell is that?" He asked. Rukia sighed.

"It stands for Walking-While-Short-Without-A-Parent." Rukia replied. Toshiro's eye was now twitching in anger. Ichigo just turned away, a scowl on his face. Toshiro had an almost identical scowl, but managed to loose it, and sigh in exasperation.

"Alright. Let's get this over with already." He sighed. And so, the festivities began. Toshiro didn't show it, but when he got shot right in the eye with confetti from a confetti gun, it hurt a _lot. _He might had been expressionless on the outside, but on the inside, he was screaming. _OW GOD DAMN IT! _He thought loudly. But he didn't even move his hand to his eye to cover it. Toshiro was dragged over to a nearby table, and thrown into a seat. Rangiku and Momo stood over him, with Rukia behind them, various objects in her hands. Toshiro broke out into a cold sweat, and tried to move away, but sadly, he was surrounded.

"Come on, Rangiku-chan!" Momo said evilly. Rangiku just giggled once again, and reached forward. Within seconds, Toshiro had a cone party hat sitting crooked, leaning to the left on the left side of his head, confetti giving his white hair more color, and a party blower in his mouth. A scowl was once again etched into his face. Rangiku grinned, and held up a plate and fork.

"Cake time!" She said.

"No! No cake!" Toshiro ordered, covering his face protectively. Momo laughed shortly.

"Okay! Then it's time for us to play 'Ram the Zonpaktou through the Hollow!'."She said. Ichigo's eye twitched.

"What the hell is that?" He asked. Rakuen was suddenly next to him.

"It is the equivalent to the human's 'Pin the tail on the Donkey'." Rakuen replied scientifically. Ichigo stared at the shorter girl. At first, he wasn't fazed at all when he saw the Captain's Haori on her. But when he saw the fraction of the fox/dragon-jaw hollow mask on her upper and lower left jaw, and the hollow hole right below her neck, he started to freak out.

"ARRANCAR!" Ichigo yelled. Everyone tensed, but once they saw he was talking about Rakuen, they calmed. Toshiro sighed.

"Ichigo, Rakuen here, while she's an Arrancar, she's on our side. She's the Captain of the Elite Squad. She's a GOOD GUY." Toshiro said. Rakuen grinned, and flashed the thumbs up.

"Hallo my good fellow!" She said, changing her voice to sound British. Ichigo shook her outstretched hand.

"Um…hello." He said. Torishi suddenly appeared, and dragged her captain away by the back of her Captain's Haori.

"Captain, you're scaring everyone again." Torishi sighed.

"Yeah, well that's obvious, Torishi!" Rakuen whined. Toshiro sighed, and picked up a blindfold.

"Alright, let's get this over with." Toshiro muttered, tying a blindfold over his eyes. Rangiku spun her Captain around and around, until he was leaning from side to side from dizziness. Rangiku pushed Toshiro forward, making him stumble. With the small dagger in his hand, he walked forward, and plunged it into the first thing he felt in front of him.

"OH GOD! WHY?! WHY?!" Screamed Rakuen with the knife going through her right shoulder. It didn't hurt her…but she was having fun. She whirled to Toshiro, who was blinking rapidly with large eyes. "STOP TAKING THE PHRASE 'STAB THE HOLLOW' TO LITERALLY!" Rakuen turned away. "Every freaking PARTY you do this! I'm running out of blood damn it!"

"Um…okay…while Rakuen screams over that…why don't we…um…open presents?" Rukia offered.

"Yay! White-head is gonna open presents!" Yachiru cheered. Toshiro sat down, grumbling, at a table. Yachiru pushed a present to Toshiro. "Open mine first! You'll never guess what it is!" Yachiru yelled. Toshiro stared at the package that looked like…well…a cat.

"Um…I wonder what it is…" He said. He pulled the string on top, and it opened, revealing whetstones. "Oh…wow…thank's Yachiru." He said. _This is actually a good gift from the crazy kid… _Yachiru thought. Rakuen grinned, having stopped her screaming, and pushed a gift towards Toshiro.

"Here. Open mine next." She said. "I got it from the Living World, personally." Toshiro slowly opened the gift, wondering if a rabid squirrel would pop out like last years… He gaped at what he saw.

"Wow…thanks Rakuen, Torishi." Toshiro said, flabbergasted, as he lifted the Ipod Touch out of the rapping paper.

"I loaded it with all your favorite songs, including that American song…um…Front Line!" Rakuen laughed. Toshiro carefully guided his fingers along the screen, and shook it, watching as the lighter he had pulled up onto the screen opened and closed. Rakuen looked over his shoulder. "Yes, human technology is quite amazing. Once I showed them a bar of gold, they gave me one faster then I could say Cero."

"Yeah. You should have seen their faces. It was hilarious." Torishi laughed.

"Mine next!" Rangiku yelled, pushing a huge box towards her captain. Toshiro carefully opened it. A huge box, filled with a life-time's supply of…sake. Toshrio's eye twitched. "You like it?" Rangiku asked.

"Um…sure…" Toshiro replied. Ichigo placed a box in front of the boy.

"Here. This is from Rukia and I. Also from the human world." Ichigo muttered. Toshiro opened it, revealing an Acer Laptop.

"Wow…thanks guys." Toshiro said, once again amazed.

"Ichigo thought that I'd be perfect so you could finish your paperwork faster." Rukia said.

"My turn my turn my turn!" Momo yelled, jumped forward, and kissed Toshiro, making him fall backwards. "I love you Shiro-chan!" Momo laughed. Toshiro clenched his fists in annoyance.

_Just a little longer, Toshiro. You're a Captain. You can get through this. _Toshiro thought to himself over and over. As the party went on, Toshiro received a special first-aid kit from Unohana, a pink flower haori from Shunsui, scissors to cut up the haori from Nanao, an experiment kit from Mayuri, more sweets from Ukitake, kunai from Soi Fon, and many more gifts. Next, was cake time. Since it was Toshiro's 100th birthday, he got smashed in the face with the entire cake, before a backup cake was pulled out from a box. The large party all gorged themselves with cake, enjoying each other's company. They partied until the sun had long-since been eaten by the horizon, and finally, they all began to head home. Toshiro walked along with Rangiku, Rakuen, and Torishi.

"So. How'd you like your 100th birthday, Toshiro-taicho?" Rakuen asked. To their immense surprise, Toshiro smiled.

"The most fun I've had in 100 years." He replied.

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If you were confused about Rakuen and Torishi(which you were. Don't try an deny it.), go to my profile. They're OC's of mine. Special ones. So check it out if you want to. They're basically at the top. They're hard to miss. Aaaaaaaaannnnd….HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOSHIRO HITSUGAYA!

_~Kitusne-242_


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